It's the climb

I'm trying to stay very positive but this week is hard. Adam and I decided that we were going to not spend any extra money this month due to my surgery and school starting. We have been doing really good but part of that has led me to getting up a half hour earlier to make breakfast so i'm not tempted to buy breakfast on the way to work. For the most part it's fine but when i stress my insomnia gets really bad. Me stressing also leads to my stomachaches.

So i've had a lack of sleep both because i cant fall asleep and now i'm getting up earlier than normal. I've also been stressed because i'm having to hire a new employee which is always scary. Everyone depends on you to hire someone great. I'm also stressed because I am waiting to hear back on a job that I would just love love love to get. And then today was the first day of school.

Everything went great with setting everything up for school but i had to take a pre-test of stuff that i should know since i did it one semester ago.....didnt do that great of a job. So that gut feeling starts sinking in that i might fail.


Some of you know that last year I had to go to the doctor because I thought i was pregnant, but it turned out that I just had ovarian cysts. They are extremely painful and nothing really makes it stop hurting. My doctor warned me that they would more than likely come and go until I have kids.Well they came back about a month ago but it wasnt to the point of real pain, this week.....worst pain ever. It actually hurts worse this year than last year. This just adds to my anxiety.


Back when you could become certified as a loan officer at my work, you would have to take a test with paper applications to test your decision making ability. Although I was a top loan performer I was never good at paper applications because I always had more questions than what the loan officers grabbed on those fake apps. Well the day came when i needed to take my test. I went in and got so stressed out. About half way through I actually threw all of my documents away and started to cry because i couldnt believe that something i wanted this bad and I knew i was good at was not going to be fairly evaluated. I finally composed myself enough to finish my test. When i turned it in i was told to go to lunch and i would know my results when i got back. I couldnt eat and i ended up coming back way early. They pulled me in the office and told me that i failed.....I had never failed at anything and here i was. I was able to pass all of these pointless high school and college courses but the thing i did every day of my life i failed. My manager sat on the phone and argued with the trainer for like twenty minutes but we lost the battle. I got in my car and just started crying because i was so upset. My manager actually sent me home, was it an overreaction absolutely but i was a 4.0 student and had never gone through that. On the way home a song by Miley Cyrus came on, "it's the climb". Once it was over i kept playing it from you tube and i just blared that song the whole way home.....
Seriously every single time something big in my career has happened that song comes on the morning of that. When i got turned down for 7 lead positions every afternoon i got those calls that song came on in the morning. back then it was not a huge deal since it was on the popular hits for the two months i was applying for things. but then when i got my assistant position and when i got turned down for my first two manager spots that song played on my way to work. The day i got offered my own branch that song came on during my lunch break and i thought "oh miley, is it good or bad news for crying out loud" then when i came back from lunch I got my big break and got my branch....
Now i'm waiting for the decision for this position and i was supposed to know on monday, then tuesday, so this morning on my way to work i get in the car and turn on my fav radio station and who starts signing? Miley!!! and what song is it? It's the climb! So i decided to sing along because although she is not my favorite singer i love that song because sometimes you have to lose and and it really doesn't matter because there will always be a mountain that i'll want to move....it's all about the climb. So the song ends and a commercial comes on so i switch stations and SERIOUSLY that song had just started on that station. So i listened to it once more and realized that even though this would be an amazing opportunity I know that everything happens for a reason and like all things in life sometimes we have to get knocked down and we dont always get what we want but if we learn the lessons that we are supposed to then the next time we will be a little smarter and we will be stronger. So although this post is kinda dreary i know that tomorrow i'm going to wake up and put a big smile on my face and start to climb.