I havent posted here in a long time. I really need to fill in some stuff like my baptism and confirmation, my birthday mid life crisis, and basic life....but i'm not in the right state to really expand on my feelings on my baptism date. So I would rather talk about what has been happening to me lately.
Do you ever have times when you think about who you were and cant believe that you were ever that person. That is how i've felt a lot the last couple years, and every year I feel like i'm trying more and becoming a better version of myself. I want to improve and grow. I feel like i'm such a different person that i would not recognize who i was back then. Some days small things will creep back in. Some things i'm so thankful that they are gone from my life and some things are bitter sweet. Driving home today I was tired, it was a long full week last week and I knew that today would be my only day to leave early from work. When i got in my car I felt like i needed to sing and dance in my car. I cant remember the last time I listened to any music that made me want to actually car dance. I flipped through all of my CDs (yes, i still have one of the old school binders) and stopped on my body guard song track. Now, for most normal people, they would never buy the body guard soundtrack, because really it wasnt that great of a movie, but when I was little I was convinced....I MEAN CONVINCED that i could sing just like Whitney. I remember being like 3 or 4 turning that CD on with my babysitters and just dancing until my tummy hurt. If you want to know which song, track 5, queen of the night. I would also make up dances and perform them for anyone that would watch and listen to me butcher I will always love you. the tapes are still around somewhere. But it brought back such fond memories of me being little and loving to dance and sing. So i popped it in and did what any normal person would do while listening to that music. I sang at the top of my lungs and danced as best i could in my car. I felt great and I thought back to my younger self and it was just that reminder that I'm still me, just grown up with life experiences, and just like that little kid I finally have my confidence back to be exactly who i want to be. I'm a very weird quirky person who loves to sing at the top of my lungs and car dance even if most people would be embarrassed, i'm not. I love people....like a lot. I can come across crazy because if i like someone i want them to know. I dont think we should have to keep such feelings bottled up, but sometimes the craziness does spill out to much, but you know what, everyone that i love knows just how much i love. them. I'm so grateful for the challenges in my life and the love that surrounds me. Thank you to every person who has made a difference in my life.
