September, September

What a crazy month, and it looks like it's only picking up for October. School has been really hectic and I've had my days of hair ripping out, attempted computer smashing, and calculator swearing. I had to buy a new calculator because the original one i bought  did do what i needed it to do (even though when i bought it, it said right on the package that it does) customer service had to explain that it didnt. I've done well on my first two tests, and then got a terrible grade on the one i just finished about five minutes ago. I'm not too upset since I understand what i missed and it was just some slight mistakes.

Work......Work is work. I love my job but some weeks just challenge me. I've had some recent issues happen in my office and i learned some things about a previous employee that really let me down. It all came to a head while i was at manager seminar and after the adrenaline wore off of fixing the problem i just really felt bad. I ended up calling my manager and breaking down and telling her i felt like a failure. I told her, " I feel like i'm a bad manager." She was so sweet and told me, that unfortunately my staff will at one point not be happy with me or even think they hate me, but as long as i'm doing what i am supposed to and making the right decisions for the branch and not for individuals than i will be fine. She also repeated over and over that i'm doing a great job and that she agreed with my decisions that i made and i also handled everything the way i should have. This was what i needed to hear after a truly awful day.


Adam's time off for Europe got approved so now i'm just waiting to book the tickets. I'm so excited but it looks like they wont have the tickets available until the end of October. Next Saturday is Adam's 27th birthday which is mind blowing to me. I'm now the age he was when we got married which doesnt seem possible how fast time flies. Jodi informed me that we only have 14 weeks until Christmas which also seems very soon. We are having fun with my niece and nephew and sister while they are living with us. We have all started playing canasta and play it pretty much anytime we are here and available. We have awesome tournaments and are now doing partner canasta. It's a lot of fun and keeps us from watching too much TV.

Things I've learned about being mormon

So once i decided to get baptized I realized that I would need to actually meet with the missionaries...so I set up an appointment and a knot immediately formed in my tummy. The day came for the first meeting, and I was so nervous. Meeting the missionaries was amazing! my missionary is from long beach California! I knew it was a sign. It's been fun because I knew a lot more than I thought I did and they were impressed which makes it fun because then we can talk about things in much deeper context. During this time we have been going to church and of course there are some days that you can feel the spirit and other days when I realize why I hated going to church. I figured out that testimony meeting is not the worst sunday....the worst sunday is called "Primary Program". This was not something i was prepared for and can honestly say that if someone ever wanted to torture me they could make me sit through that for hours. A big part of it was that I like to sit close since kids are noisy and also because people invite so many family members that even though we got there early we had to sit on metal chairs....ouch on your back. It was a very sad Sunday indeed. I also learned that paying tithing was not terrible, meeting with the bishop was not scary, and that my husband has an amazing testimony and makes me cry all the time because even though he tells me that i inspire him....it's really him who has inspired me so much in my life. I've also learned that when people call me sister taylor i laugh uncontrollably....as my sister put it "you're laughing because it makes you sound old and mormon" This is true but i will get used to it. I've also learned that going to church for three hours is not bad at all and it's amazing to hear some peoples testimony. I have also learned that there are people who definitely think they are better than others who are non mormon so i've pinned them as people i dont want to associate with. I've learned that when you share really personal stories about the spirit with LDS people they usually cry with you instead of laugh, and that everyone is really supportive. I've learned that i like wearing skirts and i really want my own scriptures. (I've found some that are hot pink, so i'm just waiting to see when we can buy them). It's funny, today was fast sunday and I really almost went up even though i said i never would, because I think so many people think that they are just people, but if you want to be a true missionary of the church you have to lead by example and give the testimony of love and service. I wanted to tell them that they all radiate light and happiness, and above all else love.

I'm getting baptized ( WARNING THIS POST MAY BE VERY EMOTIONAL AND WILL DEFINITELY MAKE ME CRY WHILE WRITING IT)

If i was to go into my entire journey to this moment of realization, it would take me my whole life to explain. but let me tell you more about the last few years of my life. growing up I used to ask my mom if i was adopted because i never felt like i really belonged, then i grew up a little and then i started telling my mom that i knew i belonged but we were missing parts of our family. I honestly just always felt like there was someone missing. I know you are thinking " ooo she means God or Jesus" no, I believed in both so they were not missing, but when I met my husband I felt a big piece of myself that was missing.....when i met my father in law- i was completed. This might sound like the creepiest thing in the world but let me explain. My father in law is unlike any person i have ever met. from the moment i met him i felt like i had known him my whole life (not just my mortal life). He could look me in the eye almost know exactly what i was thinking or how i was feeling. This man changed my entire life. I would never be able to fully explain how or why but he did. This set off a series of events that I would never have been able to predict or prepare for. About five years ago i had pretty much given up on religion. I believed in Jesus and our heavenly father but i didnt expand from that. Then when i met adam i was given a book of Mormon that belonged to his grandpa Eggett. I stared to read, although at the time i did not really connect with the book of mormon, i started to connect with the handwritten text in the book written by G. Eggett. He referenced bible versus and it was like they were speaking to me. Those few jots here and there in that book reconnected me with God, it renewed my faith that he is real and he speaks to us if we will just listen. It was such an amazing feeling that i had never really felt before except for one other moment....the moment i realized that I wanted to marry adam. To some this may just be a coincidence but to me it is the spirit. I never realized that it was the spirit until much more recently but now I cant believe that i was so blind and deaf before. All of these situations prepared me for something so intense and so powerful that I would never be the same after. One year ago I thought i was pregnant....and i thought i miscarried. My hormones were out of whack and a $1.00 pregnancy test told me i was. In that moment I was so happy and mortified all at once. I was so excited that i could get pregnant since i've been told before that it may not happen for me, and mortified because I knew due to my IUD that if i was pregnant it would more than likely be a tubal pregnancy. I then stared having really bad pain and after some more issues i finally went to the doctor only to find out that i was not pregnant but that i had ovarian cysts. Lucky for me the pain was due to the cysts exploding which is a blessing because it means that they will not have to remove my ovary. but i was devastated at the same time because I really had been feeling a little spirit. I thought that i had lost a child that was never mine. Shortly after that I began to have dreams of this little beautiful girl and she was mine, then it was so powerful that it was not just in my dreams but i could feel her close to me. I told Adam that her name started with an E and I knew what we needed to name her but i didnt want him to reject that name. Finally i broke down and told him, her name is Evelyn. He liked the name too and so I just now tell him that Evelyn is waiting for us and I know that when i hold her for the first time I will know that it's the same little girl that i have been seeing for so long. But as soon as i had the realization that we will be parents and i know that we have children waiting for us, it made me sad to think of ever losing one of them. I felt prompted to start reading about the church and find answers for myself. I couldnt take what other people said, i needed to find my own faith. My father in law has told me for years that "he just wants to keep me forever" as i read i realized what he was meaning for the last few years and suddenly it became clear. My daughter is telling me that this is what i need to do for my husband and my family both now and in the future. I felt an overwhelming power wash over me and i began to cry. This was the moment i had searched for my whole life. I knew the church was true and that heavenly father was speaking to me. He knew how much family means to me and he knew that i would need a very strong spirit to deliver the message but also one that could pull at my heartstrings. Well done sir. As i sat and reflected over the last few years, i saw changes in myself and changes in my surroundings that all led me here. Every single person in my family had a part of my change of heart. First and foremost, Adam. He makes me want to be a better person and i learn every day to be more Christlike because of him. He is my everything and without him i could not be happy. I'm so thankful to my parents who surprised me with their overwhelming support and i'm so thankful that they want me to be happy and know that I am making the right decision for me. I'm blessed to have my mother and father in law who in all honesty are freaking saints. I dont know any living people more perfect than them and they set such an amazing example to all of us kids and we all can only hope to live up to even half the people they are. All of my brothers and sisters have also played a huge role. Growing up my brother was so giving and made me want to give back as well. He saves lives for a living which is impressive and i really look up to him. I need to share a couple of direct impact stories. First one being my brother Kyle Taylor- We had an amazing talk about religion and he helped me overcome my first obstacle. I'm not a big idolizer of Joseph Smith. He let me know that we can respect our prophets and respect what they did for the religion without worshiping or idolizing them. This made me feel much better and helped me overcome my first hurdle. Jodi helped me finally realize why we pay tithing. this was something i struggled with very very badly. When Jodi moved in with us the bishop offered to give her a food order. I was overcome with emotion when i realized why i pay tithing. I pay tithing because if i didnt then the church would need to find funds to build temples and churches from another budget....the budget they may have had to pull from could prevent people like my sister from getting help. I know that that is not the way the church is set up now, but honestly if everyone stopped paying their tithing  the money would need to come from somewhere. I really really look up to my sister Jalaire and our talks about religion have changed my views on many things, but the biggest thing that made the difference was when she told me that she was happy that i was in the family. It made me feel like i belonged with the taylor family even for eternity. I then could see how happy and amazing my sister lanae and her husband are as well as my brother nathan and sister Kilee. They have amazing families that i look up to a lot. I hope that one day my family can be just as great as theirs. Jason has always been so laid back and never pressured me nor questioned me on what i believe, it's like he knew that i would have to figure things out for myself. and Cortney who has offered to go to church with me not just for sacrament but also relief society. I also have always appreciated all of the talks we have had about religion. We were always able to share our own feelings about issues without ever worrying about judgement or criticism. I know this was a long post but there are so many other things that i'm thankful for and honestly i just would never do it any justice in this life. I hope that I get to spend eternity helping you all out as much as you have all helped me. So yes, i'm getting baptized....and the person who has to do it is Adam. the love of my life, future father to my children. You have to be the one to help me start fresh. One day we will be able to tell our children just how amazing you are and how amazing your family is that we are so blessed to be a part of. I found my missing family members from when i was little, i just had no idea just how big that hole was and how many Taylors i needed to fill it.  I love you all.

Back to church

My post after this one will be very informative about my reasoning for going back to church, but for now I thought i would share about the two weeks of church I have gone back to and attended. Jodi had to work the first Sunday that she moved in with us so i thought it would be best to go to church with the kids with someone we know. Everyone in my family has offered to go to church with me at least once so i had a hard time chosing but i found out that my sister and brother from T3 had church at nine which was appealing since i had some chores and homework that i needed to do before going to dinner and mom and dad taylors. I woke up excited to go to church and then adam started giggling at me. I asked him what was so funny to which he replied, " its the first sunday of the month" I couldnt believe it. Every single freaking time i have gone to LDS church it has been a fast sunday. the problem with this...I hate fast sunday.My reasoning may be a little weird but this is my thing, first off i grew up in a church that does not really talk about feelings and we dont get up in front of each other trying to prove that we believe in something. Second in my experience people either get up there to kinda get on their own personal soap box, recite what they think that people want to hear, or end up crying so bad that you can understand what they are saying....Now having said that there have been a few exceptions which end up being pretty amazing. This particular sunday there were two exceptions. both from younger boys, yet their spirits seemed much older. I enjoyed hearing them speak and then the rest were not really my thing. It is obviously very different from what i grew up with. the biggest difference is the noise in the chapel. I totally understand that you cannot control little kids from making noises but it was soo loud!!!I didnt mind too much due to the fact that it was fast sunday but man it was distracting. I did not feel the spirit this day unfortunatelyunfortunatly.

However last sunday was different. First off, Jodi and the kids went to their ward in Alpine which left Adam and I to make the decision to go on our own. I remembered thinking as i went to bed on saturday night that i was so tired and i didnt want to wake up early for church. Adam told me that it was my choice whether we would go or not. I woke up two hours before church started and felt very refreshed. I turned over and told Adam that we were going so he better get ready. We went to our ward on our own by our own will (at least I went of my own will, i'm not sure about adam, i think he went on my will as well) All three speakers talked of service and how once you truly turn yourself over to the greater good of others you will truly find happiness yourself. I teared up a little, because over the last two years and i have pushed myself to be more giving and to try and not be so selfish....honestly the last two years have been the happiest years of my life. Everything the speakers said felt like they were speaking to me and I just knew that this was just further validation that i am doing the right thing. After church we met the bishop who seemed very surprised to have someone coming to him telling him that I was getting baptized before even meeting with a missionary. He said it does not happen that way often. Thursday will be my first lesson with the missionaries....I will update you with how it goes.

Comic Con and Birthday

The second night that Jody and the kids were living with us we decided that it would be fun to buy Kolten a comic con ticket for his birthday for the following Friday. Adam and i had originally planned to go together all three days but due to some changes at work i would be working a 50 hour week, so instead Adam set it up to go with his best friend Joe. Jody wanted to surprise Kolten on Friday with the ticket so a special surprise. So on thursday that week i had a new manager meeting up in ogden. By the time that ended and i went to pick up some marketing stuff for my branch it was around 1 pm. I was really grumpy and bitter that week because I was supposed to have vacation time (which i had been anxiously awaiting) but due to circumstances was now not only missing my vacation but also having to work an additional 12 hours (two more were added to the 50 during the week) So anyway, i called my lead teller to ask her how things had been. she told me that things had been really slow. I asked her if i could leave early so that i would possibly be able to go to comic con for at least one day. She told me that it was fine and i was sooo excited. I called Adam and he said that I would need to buy a ticket but that they had moved it to the salt palace and we needed to register our tickets before we went. Anyone that knows me knows, that i get very very very uncomfortable driving in places i dont know and even more uncomfortable when that place happens to be downtown, but i had high hopes for myself that day as i drove into downtown salt lake. I found the Salt Palace, managed to park in a parking garage, AND was able to get all three tickets registered and made it back to the freeway safely. I was very proud of myself because i did not panic and i did not get in an accident. (first and last time i had been downtown driving by myself i ran the front of my car into a light pole trying to make a U turn.) I then stopped at firehouse subs because, um they are delicious, then went to pick up Kolton from school. I almost told him like five times that he was going to comic con and i was trying my best to protect the secret. Then Adam and I took off to go downtown. The line wrapped around the building and there were people there protesting and calling us sinners for our witchcraft. but when we got in it was awesome. There were people dressed up and having a good time. We went to look at the celebrities there were there. Yes Kevin Sorbo looks just like he does on tv, and Adam says although his hands are giant- they are almost too moisturized to be male hands. All the other celebrities were low key and i didnt really know any of them. Stan lee, henry winkler, and captain kirk were not going to be there on thursday which crushed me hard. But we walked around saw some fun stuff and then I got to see my friend from high school who was an artist that was featured there. I bought one of his prints that is a kinda dark captain hook and smee about to be eaten by the croc. I love it and had told him a long time ago to do Disney photos, so i was thrilled when i got to take one home with me. We ended up not staying long because I have become claustrophobic with my age and when the temperature is hotter it is enhanced. I also had had a headache the whole week but it was very dull but getting stronger by the minute. Adam went on to meet Henry Winkler and has some awesome photos. I was very jealous because Henry was hugging and giving forehead kisses to the girls....I missed out big time.

Friday morning Jody surprised Kolton and Adam took him to comic con. I was supposed to work but had such a bad migraine that i was sick so i called in. Jodi, Jaiden, and myself all laid out on the couch and watch SVU. We also baked Kolten a cake that was a double layer of triple chocolate and then used rice krispy treats to create a computer monitor, keyboard, and mouse to make it into a themed cake. The day ended with a dinner from Costa Vida, the family watching now you see me and all of us were much too tired to do cake and ice cream (we ended up making homemade cookies and creme and had cake with it on saturday night).

My house is your house

I have a lot of things I need to post about because some pretty amazing changes have taken place. I want to break them down into individual posts because I feel like it makes it less lengthy. The first thing I would like to blog about is recent increase to our family in the T4 house. No we are not pregnant and no we did not get any more pets. We have been blessed to have my sister and her two kids move in with us. Because this is my blog and not hers we will leave it at....my sister needed a place to stay. I got a text from her letting Adam and I know that she was moving out. I immediately wanted to call her. Sometimes when people need a place they have to settle for a couch or a floor or some little closet somewhere. I just thought, " adam and i have this house with freaking two empty bedrooms, if they dont stay here it's just a waste of empty space" So without calling my husband I called her and told her, not asked but told her "you should just stay with us". I was really nervous that she would not take us up on it, but luckily she did. They moved in on a Sunday night and we stayed up until almost one going over the play by play and talking about life. It's fun having kids in the house and you never know quite what to expect. The first saturday they were here it was just me and my niece and nephew. We went to the grocery store and then came home to do chores. While at the grocery store my call nephew called me to ask about the BYU game and if we got ESPN.....I told him I had no idea and i think he thought i was crazy. I had to explain to him that we never EVER watch sports. The only sport that ever comes on my tv (which i consider to be more of a soap opera than a sport) is wrestling. So when i got home i checked it out, but my nephew that was living with me was already set on playing video games which i told him he could do if his homework was finished, so i recorded the game for my gage instead. The two kids and i divided up housework three ways, and holy cow, it was awesome. We got the entire house cleaned in one hour. I figured out why my parents always made me help with everything, and why people have so many kids. half way through our chores my doorbell rang...to my surprise Gage was outside. He said he was bored at home so he decided to come over. He honestly just followed us around while we did chores for like an hour and was just content hanging out with his cousins. Once Kolten was done with his chores he and Gage started playing video games. Then we had another surprise visitor....Brendan. He only stayed for a quick minute, but it was hilarious because we honestly never have so many surprises. Gage and Kolten ended up putting the game on but it was seriously delayed and they lost interest so I turned it off because I HATE sports. I will go to games in person but i hate watching it on tv. Anyway....Gage quickly realized that we were having ribs for dinner and decided that he would like to stay and eat with us. Adam came home to three kids playing games and me getting set up to do some math homework. I'm in math 1090 business algebra and honestly i have been quite pleased with how much i am understanding it, but because math is not my strong suit i question myself a lot. I decided to call in the big guns...Brendan. He is a math wiz and I know that math 1090 was a little above his level, if you understand basic algebraic principles the rest is cake. So I, a 23 year old grown woman, called my 16 year old nephew to come help ME with my homework. He came over and we started to do homework. It was awesome because honestly explaining my reasoning to someone else helped to better comprehend the math. It was also awesome because there was one question that i would have gotten wrong if i had not had Brendan's help. We both learned something that day from each other. Well when we were finished Brendan decided to go home, but when we saw us playing little big planet he decided he would stay. Once we told my sister and brother that we had two of their kids and they were going out on a date, we figured...hey what is two more. So saturday ended with Adam, Jodi, and myself with 6 children watching seven brides for seven brothers. What a saturday.