I'm getting baptized ( WARNING THIS POST MAY BE VERY EMOTIONAL AND WILL DEFINITELY MAKE ME CRY WHILE WRITING IT)

If i was to go into my entire journey to this moment of realization, it would take me my whole life to explain. but let me tell you more about the last few years of my life. growing up I used to ask my mom if i was adopted because i never felt like i really belonged, then i grew up a little and then i started telling my mom that i knew i belonged but we were missing parts of our family. I honestly just always felt like there was someone missing. I know you are thinking " ooo she means God or Jesus" no, I believed in both so they were not missing, but when I met my husband I felt a big piece of myself that was missing.....when i met my father in law- i was completed. This might sound like the creepiest thing in the world but let me explain. My father in law is unlike any person i have ever met. from the moment i met him i felt like i had known him my whole life (not just my mortal life). He could look me in the eye almost know exactly what i was thinking or how i was feeling. This man changed my entire life. I would never be able to fully explain how or why but he did. This set off a series of events that I would never have been able to predict or prepare for. About five years ago i had pretty much given up on religion. I believed in Jesus and our heavenly father but i didnt expand from that. Then when i met adam i was given a book of Mormon that belonged to his grandpa Eggett. I stared to read, although at the time i did not really connect with the book of mormon, i started to connect with the handwritten text in the book written by G. Eggett. He referenced bible versus and it was like they were speaking to me. Those few jots here and there in that book reconnected me with God, it renewed my faith that he is real and he speaks to us if we will just listen. It was such an amazing feeling that i had never really felt before except for one other moment....the moment i realized that I wanted to marry adam. To some this may just be a coincidence but to me it is the spirit. I never realized that it was the spirit until much more recently but now I cant believe that i was so blind and deaf before. All of these situations prepared me for something so intense and so powerful that I would never be the same after. One year ago I thought i was pregnant....and i thought i miscarried. My hormones were out of whack and a $1.00 pregnancy test told me i was. In that moment I was so happy and mortified all at once. I was so excited that i could get pregnant since i've been told before that it may not happen for me, and mortified because I knew due to my IUD that if i was pregnant it would more than likely be a tubal pregnancy. I then stared having really bad pain and after some more issues i finally went to the doctor only to find out that i was not pregnant but that i had ovarian cysts. Lucky for me the pain was due to the cysts exploding which is a blessing because it means that they will not have to remove my ovary. but i was devastated at the same time because I really had been feeling a little spirit. I thought that i had lost a child that was never mine. Shortly after that I began to have dreams of this little beautiful girl and she was mine, then it was so powerful that it was not just in my dreams but i could feel her close to me. I told Adam that her name started with an E and I knew what we needed to name her but i didnt want him to reject that name. Finally i broke down and told him, her name is Evelyn. He liked the name too and so I just now tell him that Evelyn is waiting for us and I know that when i hold her for the first time I will know that it's the same little girl that i have been seeing for so long. But as soon as i had the realization that we will be parents and i know that we have children waiting for us, it made me sad to think of ever losing one of them. I felt prompted to start reading about the church and find answers for myself. I couldnt take what other people said, i needed to find my own faith. My father in law has told me for years that "he just wants to keep me forever" as i read i realized what he was meaning for the last few years and suddenly it became clear. My daughter is telling me that this is what i need to do for my husband and my family both now and in the future. I felt an overwhelming power wash over me and i began to cry. This was the moment i had searched for my whole life. I knew the church was true and that heavenly father was speaking to me. He knew how much family means to me and he knew that i would need a very strong spirit to deliver the message but also one that could pull at my heartstrings. Well done sir. As i sat and reflected over the last few years, i saw changes in myself and changes in my surroundings that all led me here. Every single person in my family had a part of my change of heart. First and foremost, Adam. He makes me want to be a better person and i learn every day to be more Christlike because of him. He is my everything and without him i could not be happy. I'm so thankful to my parents who surprised me with their overwhelming support and i'm so thankful that they want me to be happy and know that I am making the right decision for me. I'm blessed to have my mother and father in law who in all honesty are freaking saints. I dont know any living people more perfect than them and they set such an amazing example to all of us kids and we all can only hope to live up to even half the people they are. All of my brothers and sisters have also played a huge role. Growing up my brother was so giving and made me want to give back as well. He saves lives for a living which is impressive and i really look up to him. I need to share a couple of direct impact stories. First one being my brother Kyle Taylor- We had an amazing talk about religion and he helped me overcome my first obstacle. I'm not a big idolizer of Joseph Smith. He let me know that we can respect our prophets and respect what they did for the religion without worshiping or idolizing them. This made me feel much better and helped me overcome my first hurdle. Jodi helped me finally realize why we pay tithing. this was something i struggled with very very badly. When Jodi moved in with us the bishop offered to give her a food order. I was overcome with emotion when i realized why i pay tithing. I pay tithing because if i didnt then the church would need to find funds to build temples and churches from another budget....the budget they may have had to pull from could prevent people like my sister from getting help. I know that that is not the way the church is set up now, but honestly if everyone stopped paying their tithing  the money would need to come from somewhere. I really really look up to my sister Jalaire and our talks about religion have changed my views on many things, but the biggest thing that made the difference was when she told me that she was happy that i was in the family. It made me feel like i belonged with the taylor family even for eternity. I then could see how happy and amazing my sister lanae and her husband are as well as my brother nathan and sister Kilee. They have amazing families that i look up to a lot. I hope that one day my family can be just as great as theirs. Jason has always been so laid back and never pressured me nor questioned me on what i believe, it's like he knew that i would have to figure things out for myself. and Cortney who has offered to go to church with me not just for sacrament but also relief society. I also have always appreciated all of the talks we have had about religion. We were always able to share our own feelings about issues without ever worrying about judgement or criticism. I know this was a long post but there are so many other things that i'm thankful for and honestly i just would never do it any justice in this life. I hope that I get to spend eternity helping you all out as much as you have all helped me. So yes, i'm getting baptized....and the person who has to do it is Adam. the love of my life, future father to my children. You have to be the one to help me start fresh. One day we will be able to tell our children just how amazing you are and how amazing your family is that we are so blessed to be a part of. I found my missing family members from when i was little, i just had no idea just how big that hole was and how many Taylors i needed to fill it.  I love you all.