With school becoming more and more of a stressful thing i've been trying to think about the good things that are coming up like Disneyland, Thanksgiving, Christmas, family parties, my baptism....but stress has a way of blocking out those awesome things.
Yesterday was a hard day. my stomach has been in knots for a couple weeks now and i've found myself clenching my jaw and almost like tensing my whole body. i dont even realize that i'm doing it until i get a headache or my jaw hurts from exhaustion. Also my meds for my stress and tummy is not working as well as it should right now, which is causing my legs and feet to hurt constantly. So with all of that, Adam thought it would be fun if he came over to have lunch with me since he was off. It was great to have time just the two of us even if it was only for an hour. We get so busy with work, school, family events, going out with friends that it was refreshing to spend time together. During our lunch conversation we decided that due to some unforeseen events we would not be able to go on our Europe trip in september of next year. Adam promises that we will go in 2015 instead and i hope that we do. I didnt mean to cry but i totally did in the middle of the restaurant. I'm pretty sure the people next to us thought that we were breaking up or something. I know that Europe is just a trip to some people, but to me it is fulfilling a dream that i really dont think will ever come true. I was supposed to go one other time when i was younger (tickets and hotels were booked and paid for) I had a count down which started at a year and got down to six months, when the trip was cancelled. So when we decided to go this coming September I really let myself believe that we were going so it was a harder crash than i had anticipated. It will be good that we wait for other reasons like, I will for sure be done with school, and we will be able to spend more money to do more things that we want. The bad part is that I dont know if we will really go, and it means putting off our kids longer than i had thought. (Life has a way of getting in the way of all plans that we make). But I know that it will work out the way it is supposed to, and i know that Adam does not break promises. After going home i had to take another math test. I had been studying a ton for this test and i felt so confident.....I got at 45%. This was the final straw for my math class and I have decided to drop the class. Life is way too crazy right now and i cant focus the way that i want or need to to pass this class. it's hard because i dont quit things. i'm just not a quitter, but this is going to be best for me. after i made that decision i felt a little weight off my shoulders. so after a crazy day i want to focus on some things that make me smile everytime i think about it.
Mine and Adam's second date. He came over and we watched Disney movies all day and cuddled under a super comfy blanket. This was when i learned that Adam has to have a light on to eat anything, including snacks.
Mine and Adam's third date. We went to Joe and Ashleys to watch X files the movie (terrible movie by the way) I fell asleep on adam and when i woke up i looked up and he was looking at me with a smile....it was the moment i realized that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
Our first fight in Disneyland. He made me ride a water ride and i got wet and i got mad and stopped talking to him for like a half hour. When i finally spoke to him i asked him, " are you mad at me". I love this moment because what a stupid thing to fight about and now it just seems humorous.
Adam's proposal to me at the wishing well. We have pictures of me little by that wishing well...who would have known that it would be the spot to change the course of the rest of my life.
The night before our wedding when we had all of our friends sleep over in our apartment. Such a fun story and i'm so glad that we did it that way. I woke up not stressed because adam was still there and i knew that we was not going to ditch me at the alter.
This memory is so dumb but i loved it. When we were in our apartment i made a huge turkey dinner for the two of us. We wanted to watch tv while we ate but we didnt have TV trays so adam moved the entire dinner table to the living room. I couldnt stop giggling because that is just not allowed, and adam had to remind me that it was our house and we could do what we wanted.
Our first christmas. We had a little table top tree on a side table with a few presents under the table. We woke up early and got hot chocolate and started opening presents. Our crazy next door neighbor knocked on our door asking for cinnamon, in exchange she gave us a can of pork and beans....it was the craziest thing.
The funny thing is, our first year was hard, but we made it through and now looking back we had such great times I just think about how lucky I am now and i know that if we had so many great memories during a harder time in life our memories for the last few years will be 1000x better. I love my husband and i love how he takes care of me and lets me be crazy. I know that even when things dont go according to plan it usually turns out much better than you could have ever prepared for and i know that as long as i am a good person and do the right things I will be loved and things will work out.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Living with Kids
OH BOY, what an experience. I love having my niece and my nephew living with us. There is never a dull moment and it keeps you on your game. Because you have two other people that need help with things it makes you keep all your ducks in a row so that you can help them when they need it. It makes me happy that we can help my sister because she is such a hard worker and has been picking up extra shifts so it's great that adam and i have the opportunity to help her with the kids. I love our talks on the way to school, and when i pick them up. it takes me back to middle school and high school. I love teaching Kolten how to cook (really he just watches) but at least he gets to see how to do things. They are both such smart kids and they have such different personalities, yet it's so easy to tell that they are brother and sister. Kolten has been having me help him with his math homework. (I know i'm terrible at math) but i'm currently in a 1090 math course at the college which is basically just six levels above him so i just take the stuff that I do understand (the building blocks) and i am able to help him. He was learning the first steps of finding slopes. it's usually when the teacher has you count on the graph rise over run. He was not understanding it, which funny enough i never got slopes when i had to count. i usually counted something wrong. so i gave him the slope formula to try out. He understood it and has been doing so well. It's something i have always worried about when i have my own kids. Would i be able to help them, and that experience was honestly one of the best moments in my life. being able to explain something and he understood it. Having the kids has made me excited about when adam and i will have our own. It also has made me less worried. I have gotten over scared feeling of being pregnant and having a baby, it had moved to: what if i screw this kid up and he never: is potty trained, reads, walks, writes, learns how to make good decisions. so even though it's kinda crazy, it's been one of the best experiences and it has shown me just how selfless my sister is for her kids, and how hard she works for them. I love all of them so much.
Final Lesson
I had my final missionary lesson on Wednesday. It was splits week so I was told that my missionaries would be bringing a younger kid from the ward to see how missionaries work. I was nervous because I really do have a hard time being open about this kinda stuff if i dont trust them. So...complete stranger in my house made me have a lot of anxiety. The day of the lesson our doorbell rang, when i opened the door the ward mission leader was there. Now, dont get me wrong, he is a very nice man but he annoys the crap out of all of us because if your opinion does not match his, he doesnt understand and he will talk the entire lesson and barely let the missionaries say anything.
(side story)
This ward mission leader read a scripture that said "we need to have a broken heart and contrite spirit". Okay beautiful scripture, BUT apparently my idea of what this means is very different than his. He told me that it's like when we break a horse. God breaks out spirit so we will follow him......well I called him out. I told him that the whole point of this experience is for us to have AGENCY to make our own choices and still find our way back to heavenly father. I agree that our heart must be broken, in the sense that our heart must be softened in order to hear the true message and want to understand it, but God does not break us, he uplifts us so that we want to make the right decisions, he never MAKES us do it. anyway, just to give you an idea....
(back to the original story)
So after he sits down, our doorbell rings again. this time there are two strange men on the doorstep. one is a missionary and the other is a ward member. they said that both of my missionaries were with other people because they accidentally double booked appointments. Okay, panic- more strangers. then the doorbell rings again, this time it is another ward member and a younger boy. anxiety rising....we sit down and do an opening prayer. the missionary lets me know that he is from france, which makes me feel better because everyone knows how much i love french people. doorbell rings again....one of my missionaries and then another ward member. They were all here for me....and i was terrified. luckily the discussion was a less sensitive one since it was the word of wisdom, law of chastity, and keeping the sabbath day sacred. they had me talk alot but of course someone (look to above story) had to interject everything i said. He told me that I would never feel the spirit more powerful than when i read the scriptures. I told him that i did not agree with him- I feel the spirit most strong when I APPLY what i read from the scriptures. I told him that i feel so strong when i am helping someone, it doesnt matter with what, and when I can serve someone. I told him that reading will not bring you everything that you need, you have to act and you have to do it willingly and with an open heart with no thought of yourself. ( i started to tear up) He told me i was wrong. well i dont care because everyone is different and I can still be a good person even if i dont agree with him.I was then told that the temple and the book of mormon are the things that will make me feel most connected and that i should go to the temple immediately after my baptism and that 90% of people that go to the temple within a week of joining the church are more likely to stay with the church. This time Jodi took the lead, she told him that it is a personal experience and that you know when you feel ready to go to the temple. If we rush into things too quickly we will either not understand it or not fully appreciate it. She told him that it took her three years to go through the temple and for her it was the right thing. I really agree with Jodi. Changing religions is a HUGE deal. I know what i believe but i dont want to feel a lot of pressure and feel like i'm forced to go to the temple right away. I want to feel that its right, which i know will happen. following your promptings are so important and when i feel prompted to go to the temple i will.
After it was over, i realized just how awesome it was that that many people wanted to come over. they all said that it was an awesome experience for them to make them remember what it's like to be enthusiastic and remember how lucky they are to be able to take the sacrament each week. It made me feel good that i could help someone reflect without doing anything but be myself. It was also great for me because I got to conquer another fear of praying in front of large crowds and talk about my feelings about the church. Great day.
(side story)
This ward mission leader read a scripture that said "we need to have a broken heart and contrite spirit". Okay beautiful scripture, BUT apparently my idea of what this means is very different than his. He told me that it's like when we break a horse. God breaks out spirit so we will follow him......well I called him out. I told him that the whole point of this experience is for us to have AGENCY to make our own choices and still find our way back to heavenly father. I agree that our heart must be broken, in the sense that our heart must be softened in order to hear the true message and want to understand it, but God does not break us, he uplifts us so that we want to make the right decisions, he never MAKES us do it. anyway, just to give you an idea....
(back to the original story)
So after he sits down, our doorbell rings again. this time there are two strange men on the doorstep. one is a missionary and the other is a ward member. they said that both of my missionaries were with other people because they accidentally double booked appointments. Okay, panic- more strangers. then the doorbell rings again, this time it is another ward member and a younger boy. anxiety rising....we sit down and do an opening prayer. the missionary lets me know that he is from france, which makes me feel better because everyone knows how much i love french people. doorbell rings again....one of my missionaries and then another ward member. They were all here for me....and i was terrified. luckily the discussion was a less sensitive one since it was the word of wisdom, law of chastity, and keeping the sabbath day sacred. they had me talk alot but of course someone (look to above story) had to interject everything i said. He told me that I would never feel the spirit more powerful than when i read the scriptures. I told him that i did not agree with him- I feel the spirit most strong when I APPLY what i read from the scriptures. I told him that i feel so strong when i am helping someone, it doesnt matter with what, and when I can serve someone. I told him that reading will not bring you everything that you need, you have to act and you have to do it willingly and with an open heart with no thought of yourself. ( i started to tear up) He told me i was wrong. well i dont care because everyone is different and I can still be a good person even if i dont agree with him.I was then told that the temple and the book of mormon are the things that will make me feel most connected and that i should go to the temple immediately after my baptism and that 90% of people that go to the temple within a week of joining the church are more likely to stay with the church. This time Jodi took the lead, she told him that it is a personal experience and that you know when you feel ready to go to the temple. If we rush into things too quickly we will either not understand it or not fully appreciate it. She told him that it took her three years to go through the temple and for her it was the right thing. I really agree with Jodi. Changing religions is a HUGE deal. I know what i believe but i dont want to feel a lot of pressure and feel like i'm forced to go to the temple right away. I want to feel that its right, which i know will happen. following your promptings are so important and when i feel prompted to go to the temple i will.
After it was over, i realized just how awesome it was that that many people wanted to come over. they all said that it was an awesome experience for them to make them remember what it's like to be enthusiastic and remember how lucky they are to be able to take the sacrament each week. It made me feel good that i could help someone reflect without doing anything but be myself. It was also great for me because I got to conquer another fear of praying in front of large crowds and talk about my feelings about the church. Great day.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Life today
So I have been studying so hard for my midterm math test. I was up late and up early to work on problems. I am usually a nervous test taker so i prayed for no anxiety. the morning of the test I got up, did a couple more test problems and drove to taylorsville to take the test. When I got in there I felt like i was on fire. All the questions I actually knew how to do! I rechecked a couple answers (something i never do) and I finished with a half hour left of test time. I was feeling so good that when i walked outside i fed all the parking meters for people who had just pulled in. I wanted to spread my good feelings to those getting ready to go in for a test. On October 10th I got my test results! I got 38 out of 84 points....I was so shocked. I had to look at the test to understand. Luckily she gave half credit, but I could not believe it....the questions that were multiple choice are the ones that i missed! how does that happen. I e-mailed my instructor to find out if there was anyway to still pass the class, she ignored that question but emailed me back a bunch of help on some stuff i missed. I'm assuming this is her way of motivating me to stick with the class. I am actually not upset at all, just shocked. So i just continue on and try my best. Side note....the average test score for the class was 45%. just saying.
I'm not in full swing of planning my baptism set to take place on November 16th. I went yesterday in search of a white dress. I was so nervous that i wouldnt find anything or that it would take all day. We went into a store next to the distribution center. I grabbed a ton of dresses and went back to the dressing room. As i was walking back this girl came out wearing a beautiful dress that i loved, i asked her where she found it. I went find the same dress and could not believe how ugly it looked on the hanger, but i put it on and fell in love. It was the only dress i put on yesterday. The dress is actually not made anymore because the county that makes the lace doesnt make it anymore. I was so excited and thought that it was amazing that i was able to find a dress that fast and for a good price. We decided to stop at seagull book to look around.
There is a painting that I am in love with called O Jerusalem, but it is discontinued and you cant find the large size ones or the full painting (most places still sell alpha omega). Anyway we went into seagull book to look around. When we went in on the wall there were two O Jerusalem on the wall (26X32) a giant picture of the whole painting. I seriously ran over and yelled to the worker from the other side, "you told me you dont sell these anymore, and that they were discontinued". the lady told me that they are discontinued but they were clearing out their warehouse and there were three left so they were sent to them as a surprise, but because they are discontinued they needed to sell them quick so it was 75% off. I bought that painting soo fast. I got that huge painting for 99 bucks. It was like a day of miracles.
I was also able to make my baptism invitations, of course it has disney incorporated in, and lots of glitter. lol. I also made my baptism program and got everyone that i needed to say yes to helping me out.
Mom Taylor is going to play the piano.
Opening hymn: Did you think to pray?
Opening Prayer: Cortney Taylor
Baptism Talk: Uncle Larry
Baptism: adam will be dunking me lol
and Dad Taylor and Kyle will be witnesses
Kyle is going to play his piano number while we change
Holy Ghost Talk: Neil Call
Closing Hymn: I stand in the light
Closing Prayer: Ferrin Lindsey
I think it is going to be awesome.
I'm not in full swing of planning my baptism set to take place on November 16th. I went yesterday in search of a white dress. I was so nervous that i wouldnt find anything or that it would take all day. We went into a store next to the distribution center. I grabbed a ton of dresses and went back to the dressing room. As i was walking back this girl came out wearing a beautiful dress that i loved, i asked her where she found it. I went find the same dress and could not believe how ugly it looked on the hanger, but i put it on and fell in love. It was the only dress i put on yesterday. The dress is actually not made anymore because the county that makes the lace doesnt make it anymore. I was so excited and thought that it was amazing that i was able to find a dress that fast and for a good price. We decided to stop at seagull book to look around.
There is a painting that I am in love with called O Jerusalem, but it is discontinued and you cant find the large size ones or the full painting (most places still sell alpha omega). Anyway we went into seagull book to look around. When we went in on the wall there were two O Jerusalem on the wall (26X32) a giant picture of the whole painting. I seriously ran over and yelled to the worker from the other side, "you told me you dont sell these anymore, and that they were discontinued". the lady told me that they are discontinued but they were clearing out their warehouse and there were three left so they were sent to them as a surprise, but because they are discontinued they needed to sell them quick so it was 75% off. I bought that painting soo fast. I got that huge painting for 99 bucks. It was like a day of miracles.
I was also able to make my baptism invitations, of course it has disney incorporated in, and lots of glitter. lol. I also made my baptism program and got everyone that i needed to say yes to helping me out.
Mom Taylor is going to play the piano.
Opening hymn: Did you think to pray?
Opening Prayer: Cortney Taylor
Baptism Talk: Uncle Larry
Baptism: adam will be dunking me lol
and Dad Taylor and Kyle will be witnesses
Kyle is going to play his piano number while we change
Holy Ghost Talk: Neil Call
Closing Hymn: I stand in the light
Closing Prayer: Ferrin Lindsey
I think it is going to be awesome.
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