With school becoming more and more of a stressful thing i've been trying to think about the good things that are coming up like Disneyland, Thanksgiving, Christmas, family parties, my baptism....but stress has a way of blocking out those awesome things.
Yesterday was a hard day. my stomach has been in knots for a couple weeks now and i've found myself clenching my jaw and almost like tensing my whole body. i dont even realize that i'm doing it until i get a headache or my jaw hurts from exhaustion. Also my meds for my stress and tummy is not working as well as it should right now, which is causing my legs and feet to hurt constantly. So with all of that, Adam thought it would be fun if he came over to have lunch with me since he was off. It was great to have time just the two of us even if it was only for an hour. We get so busy with work, school, family events, going out with friends that it was refreshing to spend time together. During our lunch conversation we decided that due to some unforeseen events we would not be able to go on our Europe trip in september of next year. Adam promises that we will go in 2015 instead and i hope that we do. I didnt mean to cry but i totally did in the middle of the restaurant. I'm pretty sure the people next to us thought that we were breaking up or something. I know that Europe is just a trip to some people, but to me it is fulfilling a dream that i really dont think will ever come true. I was supposed to go one other time when i was younger (tickets and hotels were booked and paid for) I had a count down which started at a year and got down to six months, when the trip was cancelled. So when we decided to go this coming September I really let myself believe that we were going so it was a harder crash than i had anticipated. It will be good that we wait for other reasons like, I will for sure be done with school, and we will be able to spend more money to do more things that we want. The bad part is that I dont know if we will really go, and it means putting off our kids longer than i had thought. (Life has a way of getting in the way of all plans that we make). But I know that it will work out the way it is supposed to, and i know that Adam does not break promises. After going home i had to take another math test. I had been studying a ton for this test and i felt so confident.....I got at 45%. This was the final straw for my math class and I have decided to drop the class. Life is way too crazy right now and i cant focus the way that i want or need to to pass this class. it's hard because i dont quit things. i'm just not a quitter, but this is going to be best for me. after i made that decision i felt a little weight off my shoulders. so after a crazy day i want to focus on some things that make me smile everytime i think about it.
Mine and Adam's second date. He came over and we watched Disney movies all day and cuddled under a super comfy blanket. This was when i learned that Adam has to have a light on to eat anything, including snacks.
Mine and Adam's third date. We went to Joe and Ashleys to watch X files the movie (terrible movie by the way) I fell asleep on adam and when i woke up i looked up and he was looking at me with a smile....it was the moment i realized that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
Our first fight in Disneyland. He made me ride a water ride and i got wet and i got mad and stopped talking to him for like a half hour. When i finally spoke to him i asked him, " are you mad at me". I love this moment because what a stupid thing to fight about and now it just seems humorous.
Adam's proposal to me at the wishing well. We have pictures of me little by that wishing well...who would have known that it would be the spot to change the course of the rest of my life.
The night before our wedding when we had all of our friends sleep over in our apartment. Such a fun story and i'm so glad that we did it that way. I woke up not stressed because adam was still there and i knew that we was not going to ditch me at the alter.
This memory is so dumb but i loved it. When we were in our apartment i made a huge turkey dinner for the two of us. We wanted to watch tv while we ate but we didnt have TV trays so adam moved the entire dinner table to the living room. I couldnt stop giggling because that is just not allowed, and adam had to remind me that it was our house and we could do what we wanted.
Our first christmas. We had a little table top tree on a side table with a few presents under the table. We woke up early and got hot chocolate and started opening presents. Our crazy next door neighbor knocked on our door asking for cinnamon, in exchange she gave us a can of pork and beans....it was the craziest thing.
The funny thing is, our first year was hard, but we made it through and now looking back we had such great times I just think about how lucky I am now and i know that if we had so many great memories during a harder time in life our memories for the last few years will be 1000x better. I love my husband and i love how he takes care of me and lets me be crazy. I know that even when things dont go according to plan it usually turns out much better than you could have ever prepared for and i know that as long as i am a good person and do the right things I will be loved and things will work out.
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